i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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