is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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