I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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