i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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