She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
