Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
