hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
