My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
