Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
