I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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