did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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