youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how do flat chested girls get laid?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
