I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
