Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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