i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
