She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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