dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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