Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just invented taco cereal.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
