Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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