I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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