You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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