Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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