I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
