Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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