Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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