i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
