My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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