She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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