i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
