Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
