you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he shaved USA in his pubs
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
