Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
