Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
