Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
