Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You ruined the universe
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
