Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
