i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize