'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
