Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
