I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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