He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
