It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
