she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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