No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
