As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
