haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
