He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
