I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
