My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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