people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
