Plan B is the new Plan A
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
