I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
