There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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