We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
