i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
