well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
