Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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