I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
