i don't like sucking hair
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
